Unsung Lullabies
by BoandNora-ItsOneWord
Summary: An AU story about Bo and Nora struggling with infertility issues in their desire to have a baby. In this universe, Matthew does not exist.
1. Adversity

**A-Adversity**

"Red, are you okay," her husband asked, as he knocked lightly on the door? She had been sitting on the toilet with watery eyes for what seemed like an eternity now.

"I'm alright," she said. "I'll be out in just a minute."

She listened for the click of the door...she knew this was hard on him too...she just didn't know how to help him any more then _he_ knew how to help _her_...For six months they had been trying to have a baby...and through every agonizing test they had endured, nothing had worked. They were going to have to start thinking of other options if they couldn't get her ovulation cycle to normalize... and she didn't _want_ other options...she wanted a baby... _his_ baby...A reflection of their deep love. It had taken her years to find her lifetime soulmate, and now that she had, she wanted to share everything with him...she didn't want to have to give up her dream...their dream.

"Red," he said, as she finally opened the bathroom door, red and swollen eyes and tears streaming down her face. In her hand was another negative test.

"I'm sorry," he said, as if that would make this right. They had both been saying "I'm sorry" for too long now. He didn't hesitate to take her in his arms and let the silence speak when their broken hearts couldn't.

"What now," he asked?

She paused momentarily to collect herself, as she looked up into the eyes she loved so much. A part of her wanted to tell him that they should just accept reality and give up now...but there was an even bigger part of her that said if anyone could defy the odds, it would be them. They had already beaten so many insurmountable challenges...why not this? She leaned her head against his as he kissed the top of it...and she said "We make an appointment with the doctor...maybe she can help us figure out why I'm still not ovulating...If I still can. "

The odds were stacked against them in many different ways but age was the one they would never say out loud...Nora wasn't like most women her age...she had spunk, and vitality...and she would be an excellent mother...He wouldn't let _anyone_ crush their dreams just because statistics said otherwise...

"You make the call," he said..."I'll be there...anytime...anywhere."

"I love you Cowboy," she said, as she kissed him gently.

"I love you too Red. We'll make this work. I promise."

She gave him a half smile as she walked over to the phone...they both knew the reason why...it was a promise he didn't know if he could keep.


	2. Bleed

**B-Bleed**

She had expected the questions...she just didn't expect to feel like it was somehow her fault. She knew the doctor was only trying to do what they had come into the office to discuss...but her bleeding heart felt like it was cut open for the world to see...dissected until every flaw was more visible than the strengths. She clung to her husband's hand as they answered questions and took samples for them to test. It was only the first step but it still felt like her entire world could be determined by those samples.

"What if we fail," she asked him, when the doctor had stepped out? "I can't stop thinking about everything this means...what if we fail Bo? What if we don't get to have a child?"

He saw the tears swimming in her chocolate brown eyes...tears that matched his own. He thought it too...how could you not wonder when six months had already passed? How could you not ache when you saw friends and family having their _own_ babies? He wanted this child just as much as she did...it tore him apart thinking that he couldn't give her the one thing she wanted most in this world...what he wanted just as much.

He brushed the stray hair out of her face and brushed his thumb against her drying tears...he kissed her softly on her forehead as he looked at her. "This is just the first step sweetheart. If it doesn't work then we'll try something else. We'll keep trying until something clicks."

She knew he was trying to lessen the burden but nothing seemed to alleviate the pain...they left the office and walked down to the nursery...She rested her head on his shoulder as they looked at those innocent children...children they wanted so badly to have. _Was it in the cards that some day one of these precious angels would be theirs to love?_

"Sometimes it feels like everyone in the world is having babies but us," she said, her voice cracking.

"I know baby," he whispered, tugging her into his arms so he could feel her warmth against him. She wasn't the only one who felt like every flaw she had was being examined by the public eye...he felt it too. They weren't asking for unreasonable demands...they just wanted a baby to love...a precious reminder that love was the only perfect gift in this world...

 _They had found it in each other...why couldn't they find it in a child?_


	3. Confusion

**C-Confusion**

They were told to make an appointment with a fertility specialist because of the increased risk that her age could cause...which of course only added to the stress of the situation. There were moments when she would lie awake at night and wonder if she was crazy for wanting another child at her age...but every time she would second guess herself, she would feel her husbands arms around her...his quiet strength reminding her that they could do anything together.

 _So why was she so nervous waiting for the results of the exam? Why were her legs still trembling even after the tests had been performed?_

"It's going to be okay sweetheart," Bo said, as he slipped his hand into hers, giving her a gentle squeeze. "Whatever it is...isn't it better to know so we can fix it?"

"What if it can't be fixed Bo," She asked, tears welling in her eyes? "I don't understand why this is happening. I didn't have a problem getting pregnant with Rachel."

"That's why we're here right...to get answers? I don't have them any more than you do but we have to believe that with understanding comes success."

"So once we get answers, we can make our dreams come true...is that what you're saying?"

"More or less," he said, as he kissed her softly. "I love you Red...If you need to trust in something...trust in that."

"I do," she said, returning his kiss. "And I love you too...I just want..."

"I know baby," he said, tugging her into his arms for a hug. "Me too."

++++

He was holding her hand when the doctor came in with the test results. She could barely comprehend what she was telling them because she was so afraid of what she was going to say. Somehow she managed to smile through her tears as the doctor began to speak.

"It looks like you might have elevated hormone levels...we're going to need to try you on some medication to balance them out."

"Is that going to fix the problem," Bo asked?

"We can't know for sure but right now it's your best option."

She simply nodded her head as she turned to the specialist. "Why is this just showing up now," she asked? "I had no problems with my first child."

"It might not be that it's just showing up...fertility problems can grow worse over the years. You were a lot younger when you had your daughter. The bottom line is that there is a variety of different reasons this could be happening but nobody can know for sure. All we can do is treat the symptoms."

"And if this doesn't work," she asked?

"Then we try something else...I know this is a lot harder then it sounds but please try not to put too much strain on yourself...worry and stress can make this much worse, as I'm sure you are aware of."

"Thank you doctor," Bo said, as she walked out of the room. She was right. It was so much harder not to worry about the outcome then it sounded.


	4. Dread

**D-Dread**

She dreaded these moments when she would be pacing the bathroom floor...waiting for the minutes to tick by so she could see if her hormone levels had changed...it had been two weeks and nothing had been any different. She didn't know how she could take the disappointment for another 15 days.

"Still low," her husband asked, when she opened the door? He had gotten used to the repetitive results and didn't dare hope for something different...because they both knew that hope was fleeting.

He took her trembling body in his own...snaking his fingers through her hair...kissing the top of her head as she sobbed. He knew better than to make false promises...it just hurt her more.

"I wish there was something I could do to make this better...I hate watching you hurt...I hate knowing that I can't give you what you want most in this world...I don't want to say it but...but what happens if this doesn't work Red...Are we going to survive?"

She could hear the heartbreak in his voice because she felt it too...they were questions she asked herself many times...questions he always seemed to make disappear... She would have to do the same for _him_ now.

"I would never survive without _you_...I love you cowboy...I don't know how I ever would get out of bed in the morning if _you_ weren't there to remind me of all the little things we have that are so important...I want to have your child...I do...but maybe we're only supposed to have one miracle in this lifetime...and _you_ were it for me."

"Do you really believe that Red? Because I think we've had more than one miracle already...who says we can't have another?"

"The odds aren't looking very good for us cowboy...Every time I take that test, it comes back the same...How am I supposed to keep doing this and still have hope? I feel like I'm failing you...I feel like I'm failing myself."

He brushed her tear streaked face with his lips...kissing her gently...showing her the love that has always been there. "I feel like _I'm_ the one who's failing Red...I'm your husband...I love you more than anything...I feel useless not being able to give you the one thing in this world that would make you happy...I'm sorry baby...I'm sorry."

This time it was his turn to cry and she was immediately in his arms...holding him as she kissed his tears away. "It's not any more _your_ fault then it is _mine_ ...please don't do this to yourself...Please don't think I don't see your pain...we're both suffering here...we're both hurting."

"Then how do we make it stop? I don't want to hurt this way Red...I don't want to watch _you_ hurt..."

"Then make love to me...please just hold me like you used to...before we started getting so focused on having a baby...for one night... I just want to forget everything but you and me...I want to live again Bo...please...help me live..."

 _She was right...they had been living a life filled with tests and disappointments... wanting so bad to have a child that even when they did make love, it felt more like another test...he didn't want loving her to ever feel like anything but what it was...the air he needed to breathe._

"It's not living without you," he said, watching the old familiar fire swim into her eyes as his lips claimed hers once more...


End file.
